Identity crisis alert! So many times in my life I struggled with wanting to be in the club with not caring at all. It was a war of wanting to be a part of the team versus going solo to create a new path.
I always thought it was either one way or the other.
“You need to be a team player.” “You need to go for your dreams!”
“You need to be a team player.”
“You need to go for your dreams!”
It was so confusing. How can I do both?
Fast forward to now.
I can do both. And. I can do both without changing who I am for either.
For some odd reason, I carry in my personality an inner struggle that many shove aside as being too particular or snobby. It’s not that at all, I promise. Although I can see now how people came to this conclusion based on my prior behavior. (Another story for another day – don’t judge a book by it’s cover. I digress.)
You see, I didn’t even know there was an inner war going on – or that it was absolutely ok in the first place. Now that I know it’s there I talk to it like my friend without letting it define me or beat me down.
It’s ok that I’m particular. It’s ok that I have deep feelings. It’s ok that I need my space. It’s ok that I want to lead. It’s ok to dream big. It’s all ok.
They key here is selflessness. I’m ok because it’s not about me.
Huh?
We are all created for a purpose and with different strengths and personality types. (Exodus 9:16) One is not better than than other.
Before, I was comparing myself to everyone else’s standards. This gave me a complex, great or small. Selflessness comes with humility. Humility is not less than or more than.
Humility is being real, being me.
So be bland or bold or whatever you want to be. Just be real.
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Original story October, 11, 2011
What is the meaning of bland? bold?
- Bland: 1.pleasantly gentle or agreeable: a bland, affable manner. 2.soothing or balmy, as air: a bland southern breeze.
- Bold: 1.necessitating courage and daring; challenging: a bold adventure. 2.striking or conspicuous to the eye; flashy; showy: a bold pattern.
As I’m sitting here thinking about my life, ok, right now it’s the paint color on my livingroom walls, I wonder: Do I want the color to obviously stand out? Or do I want everything to blend in? I have had blue walls for a while that gave me that “look at me!” vibe I was going for. Some days I liked it and others it was too much to look at. Now I’m leaning toward going neutral – to that subdued “I am here” vibe, keeping my background soft so my accessories catch your eye. But then I think, is this boring? Everyone has neutral! I want to stand out.
Ok, ok. The fact is it shouldn’t matter what everyone else has or whatever anyone else thinks. It matters what I like. How it reflects who I am. Does it fit me? The great thing about paint is that I can test it out and change it anytime.
Here’s my challenge to you. Are you being true to yourself in life? Are you bland? Are you bold? Are you a bit of both? Are you showing off with bold attitude craving attention or covering up your insecurities with a bland blanket? Or do you really enjoy being the life of the party? Or being that quiet person that speaks when desires? Neither vibe is right or wrong, it’s why we choose that vibe. The important thing is that I am being true to myself, showing my true colors.
P.S. I’m going with Kilm Beige walls allowing my aqua and gold accessories to shine! True to my heart. A soothing background with striking features!
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P.P.S. My color choice for 2020? Balboa Mist by Benjamin Moore.
